Youkai Leep, or, Boot to the Head
by Sol-leks1
Summary: Inuyasha teaches the subtle martial art of Youkai leep. Unfortunately, he has a few...distractions.


Youkai Leep  
  
or  
Boot to the Head  
  
(In a forest clearing, the Inu-tachi and various villagers and demons are gathered around Inuyasha.)  
  
Inuyasha: Come, children. Close the circle at the feet of the Master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide on the path to Youkai Leep. Be warned: to learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Meditate upon this wisdom with me. Rrrrr.  
  
Naraku: excuse me?  
  
Inuyasha: Rrrrr.  
  
Naraku: Excuse me?  
  
Inuyasha: Rrrrr.  
  
Naraku: EXCUSE ME!!!  
  
(Inuyasha's eyes snap open in irritation.)  
  
Inuyasha: Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of a pond?  
  
Naraku: Me! Naraku!  
  
Kagome: Naraku?  
  
Shippou: I didn't expect him to be here.  
  
Naraku: No one expects the Naraku Inquisition!  
  
All: Ouch!  
  
Inuyasha: What do you want, Naraku?  
  
Naraku: No offense or nothing, but how long is this meditation shit gonna take?  
  
Inuyasha: Youkai Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever into the horizon.  
  
Naraku: So, what, an hour or so?  
  
Inuyasha: No, no, no. Understand: time has no meaning. To the true student, an hour is as a year.  
  
Naraku: A year? But.but, I want to learn to beat people up now.  
  
Inuyasha: Beat people up?  
  
Naraku: Yeah, that's all I came here for. I've got the pajamas! (He opens his baboon skin to reveal form-fitting teddy bear and heart boxers.) Now show me some nifty moves so I can drive my enemies before me and hear the lamenting of their women! Kuu-kuu-kuu!  
  
Inuyasha: The only true use of Youkai Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Kaede, the Great Teacher.  
  
Naraku: Yeah? Well, the best defense is a good offense. Do you know who said that? Cause I sure don't.  
  
Sango: Well, you're certainly offensive.  
  
Inuyasha: Youkai Leep is the honey of kindness, not the vinegar of hostility.  
  
Naraku: Listen, shrimp, are you gonna cut the New Age crap and show me some moves, or am I gonna pin you to the Goshinboku Tree again?  
  
(Inuyasha's eyebrow twitches.)  
  
Inuyasha: Naraku, you fail to grasp Youkai Leep. Approach me that you might see.  
  
Naraku: Finally, some action! Bring it on, twerp!  
  
Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwunk**  
  
Naraku: Ow! You booted me in the head!  
  
Inuyasha: Now do you understand?  
  
Naraku: No fair! I wasn't ready!  
  
Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**  
  
Naraku: Argh! Stop that! OK, now I'm ready.  
  
Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**  
  
Naraku: Mind if I just lie down here for a moment? (He faints.)  
  
Inuyasha: Now, let us resume our meditation. Rrrrr.  
  
Hojou: Excuse me, Sensei.  
  
Inuyasha: It is wrong to tip the vessel of knowledge, child.  
  
Hojou: A thousand apologies, Sensei. However, I cannot help but feel that Naraku is not wholly wrong.  
  
Inuyasha: How so?  
  
Hojou: I wish to boot some head too.  
  
Inuyasha: Have you learned nothing from the lesson of Naraku?  
  
Hojou: Actually, Sensei, I have learned two things. Firstly, anger is a weapon only to one's opponent.  
  
Inuyasha: Good. The second thing?  
  
Hojou: Get in the first shot. Boot to the head. **swish**  
  
Inuyasha: You missed.  
  
Hojou: Yeah.uh.about that.  
  
Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk**  
  
Hojou and Naraku: Love and pink bunnies make the world go round.world go round.world go round.  
  
Inuyasha: Class. What is the lesson?  
  
Hiten: Not a single one of us could defeat you, master!  
  
Inuyasha: You gain wisdom, child.'  
  
Hiten: So we'll have to gang up on you! GET HIM!  
  
Inuyasha: Boot to the head. **thwonk** (x5)  
  
(As the groaning bodies pile up, only Kagome hangs back, laughing deliriously.)  
  
Kagome: You'll never beat him that way.  
  
Fluffy: Do you have a better idea?  
  
Kagome: Yes. Watch and learn. (She strides confidently up to Inuyasha. Before he can react, she leans in and uses her ultimate weapon.) Kiss to the lips! **glomp**  
  
Five Minutes Later.  
  
Shippou: Whoa.they've been at it for a while.  
  
Miroku: Hey, Sango, would you help me practice that technique?  
  
Sango: Slap to the face. **smack**  
  
Fifteen Minutes Later.  
  
Fluffy: Don't they have to come up for air at some point.  
  
Thirty Minutes Later.  
  
Souta: Are they still alive in there?  
  
One Hour Later.  
  
Rin: Finally! They got a room.  
  
Shippou: Now what do we do?  
  
Fluffy: Good question. Hmm.  
  
(The tune from Jeopardy plays.)  
  
Miroku: Y'all wanna get drunk and beat random people up?  
  
All: Sounds good to me!  
  
(Music starts up in background.)  
  
Souta: People taking in movie shows.  
  
Fluffy: People smoking in bed.  
  
Sango: People who like Inu/Kikyou fics.  
  
Miroku: Give them a boot to the head!  
  
All: Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!) Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!) Boot to the head! (Yah, yah.yah, yah, yah, yah, yah, yah.)  
  
Souta: Mechanics who can't fix a car.  
  
Rin: Fanfic authors who can't think.  
  
Fluffy: The salesman who won't leave me alone.  
  
Shippou: The waiter who forgot my drink! (Spoken) What?  
  
All: Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!) Boot to the head! (Yah, yah!) Boot to the head! 


End file.
